When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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