I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
