I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
