You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
