Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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