New invention idea: vibrating tampons
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
