you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
