i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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