Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
