If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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