EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
