capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
