Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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