i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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