i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
