if you like me you must not know who I am
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
