I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
