If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
