I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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