Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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