His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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