Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
