the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
