Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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