Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
