Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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