Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
