So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So. Much. Porn.
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