if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
