My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
