I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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