somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
