do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
