Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
