I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
