I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
