is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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