Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
