oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
