You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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