Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize