Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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