Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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