you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
