accomplished twins. life is a go
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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