she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
