there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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