Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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