i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we're so committed to being not committed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
