I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
