did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
