FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
