we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize