$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
