the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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