so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
