True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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