I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize