I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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