Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How does one acquire holy water?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
