It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
