i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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