i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
