You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
