I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
