I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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