One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
