Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
