I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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