He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
