Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
