the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
