Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize