she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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