hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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