The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
