So drunk its hurt
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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