i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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