i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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